Fairies

Dear Maya,
In the morning I often ask you what you have dreamed about. You usually tell me that you have dreamed about fairies. Sometimes you and Gwen have been fairies and sometimes I have been a fairy, even daddy sometimes (I wish I could see THAT dream!). Often times if you are day dreaming I ask you what you are thinking about and again, you tell me ‘fairies’. You are literally ‘away with the fairies’. I love this innocence. I do not want to break it. I know that there will be a time when I need to tell you about not so good things that happen in this world, but for the moment I want you to keep dreaming about fairies.
I love you,
Mummy xxx (From Watching Butterflies Dance)

Terrible Twos

This letter is a little less serious and about the terrible twos!

My Dearest little Gwennan,
You are two years and two months old. In the space of approximately one month you have changed dramatically. The smiles and cuddles are still there, but a second personality emerges more and more frequently. The peaceful Gwennan has an alter-ego, which is grumpy, cross and wants to assert her independence. The alter ego likes to screech at a pitch which seems to reverberate throug...h my brain, when things do not go her way. The alter ego is incredibly hard work. But know this, I still love you. I know this is you asserting yourself in this world, testing boundaries and trying to show who is boss.

You don’t want to get dressed in the morning. In fact, once dressed, you will them proceed to undress yourself. Including your nappy. My job, is to keep you safe and warm. It is February and pretty damned cold inside, let alone outside. I am even wearing thermals indoors. Nevertheless, I have let you experience some nakedness at home (even though this means I have cleared up several wees and poos – well done for the one you did on the potty by the way). But, I draw the line at taking you out of the house naked.

You don’t want to eat your dinner. You want to throw it on the floor. You would like to eat pancakes all day. I hear you, I would also like to eat pancakes all day long, but I know this is neither healthy nor acceptable. My job as your mum, is to make sure you eat well and grow up to be big and strong.

You don’t want to have your hair tied back. You would prefer to have the wild and “free” look. It is my job to make you presentable to the world. However, this seems low down on my overall list of priorities, so I will temporarily accept your preference for the wild look.

You don’t want me to cuddle Maya. You only want me to cuddle you. If I cuddle Maya, you will attack her and try to gouge her eyes out. It is my job to protect both my girls. If you try to gouge Maya’s eyes out, I will have to stop you. I have two arms. I can cuddle you both. I love you both equally.

You don’t want to share your toys with Maya. Everything belongs to you and you alone. You are a bit little to understand this, but you will have to learn to share. It is my job to be fair and make sure that both you and Maya get time with toys. You are smaller, so you probably get a bigger shot at things, but that won’t last forever.

So, my little screechy, grumpy one. I hope this stage passes soon and that you are able to feel independent and heard.
I love you so much,
Mummy xxx

Life Guides

I am not a Christian, but I do like the idea of “God Parents”.  For that reason, I felt that I needed to find an alternative that suited us.  I thought long and hard about this and came up with “Life Guides” as appropriate for our situation.  I wrote a poem and sent it to the requested life guides.  Here is that poem:

Life Guide:

 

Please will you be my life guide,

a person to whom I can turn,

a person who helps me to grow,

to experience, to question, to learn.

 

Please will you be there for me,

for all that will lie ahead,

and if my parents can’t be there,

will you please stand by me instead?

 

Can you share your experience and knowledge,

to guide me on my own path,

and if none of the above seems necessary,

let’s share in our joy, dance and laugh!

 

Loving Kindness

What can we do when faced with violence and hatred in the world?
Teach our children to be tolerant, loving and kind.

Little Reminders

 Dear Girls,
Here are some of the things which daily remind me of your presence: Yoghurt hand prints on the doors, a bath full of ducks and boats, “art work” on the wall paper, ‘mam’ written by grubby fingers on the mirrors, a fluffy tiger in mine and daddy’s bed, knickers behind the settee (not mine!), shoes in every corner of the house, drawings, drawings and more drawings stuck up in every available space, sparkles in the laundry, hair bands under the beds, banana skins and raisin boxes hidden in secret locations……
I know that one day I will miss all these things, when you are grown up and sensible and know where to put your knickers and banana skins. For now, I will continue to wade through the madness.
Love, Mummy x (From Watching Butterflies Dance)

Sleep

                                                   Sleeping gently side by side
                                                   I wonder if our dreams collide

A walking meditation

I went for a walk with my two year old.  A very slow walk, no rush, no hurry, all at her pace.  We stopped to watch a bee as it zipped past our noses.  We watched butterflies dancing around the flowers.  We stamped our feet and splashed in muddy puddles.  We picked up sticks and poked them in the mud.  I marvelled at how she explored her new world, the world that has only been hers for just over one and a half years and which she has only begun exploring freely in the last few months.  I had to force myself to slow down, to go at her pace.  The washing can wait, we can tidy up later.  Right now we’re seeing the world through new eyes.

Our walk reminded me of walking meditation.  An art I should practise more often, I believe.  It is about walking with awareness, walking without destination.  The purpose is to be present in the moment;

Thich Nhat Hahn (A wonderful Buddhist Monk and Teacher) wrote:

            “The mind can go in a

            Thousand directions

            But on this beautiful path,

            I walk in peace

            With each step

            A cool wind blows

            A flower blooming.”

Thank you for reminding me to be present in the moment, my little teacher:

A Poem for Maya

A poem I wrote for my daughter who arrived 10 weeks prematurely:

A Poem for Maya

 

My precious little bundle,

you gave us such a fright,

arriving ten weeks early,

so vulnerable and light,

attached to all those monitors,

you really were a sight,

we're proud of you already,

for putting up a fight.

 

I want to hold you close to me,

to never let you go,

I want to whisper in your ear,

mummy and daddy love you so,

we think you're very special,

and we're keen for you to know,

we're praying you get better,

we're willing you to grow.

 

I dream of better times ahead,

I imagine we'll be free,

to explore the world around us,

there's so much for us to see,

we live near ancient woodland,

there's mountains and fields and sea,

let's picnic in the sunshine,

just you and daddy and me.

 

A day in the life of my two year old:

Wake entire household up at 5 am. Eat two massive croissants. Refuse to wear clothes. Poo on potty (hurray!!!). Agree to wear clothes. Have meltdown at swimming pool and refuse to wear clothes home. Refuse to eat lunch. Sleep for 2 hours. Eat lunch at 3 pm. Fall over and scrape knee. 5 minutes later fall over and scrape other knee. Demand to wear a dress. Smile for 5 minutes, during which Mummy takes a picture. Refuse to eat dinner. Demand to go to bed. Rest of household breathes a sigh of relief.